Dark Place – Ruth

Depression is not something we like to talk about, even us who suffer from it. For me, I feel ashamed that I feel trapped in my dark place and I feel at that time I am unable to get out no matter for the want of trying.

I never used to suffer from Depression but different things I went through in my life took its toll on me and my body. For me, I am trapped in my head. I feel so negative about everything but more so about myself. I don’t want to talk to anyone, the fear of letting out how bad I am feeling at that moment. I try and shut myself away from life.

Depression is commonly mistaken for feeling sad or upset but the reality is that it is more than sad moments. My dark moments last so much longer than feeling sad for a few days, sometimes I have not left my bedroom or stepped outside for a matter of weeks and if I speak to anyone I mainly snap at them or cry at them.

Little things overwhelm me, like one of my children did not put their dirty socks in the washing basket, I then have a meltdown and end up on the floor in floods of tears over the stress of things feeling much bigger and harder to deal with at that moment; there have been a couple of times in the last few years when I had suicidal thoughts, where I feel that life would be better without me, where the pain of life circumstances can no longer hurt me or nobody can hurt me anymore.

But the truth is, it does not last long because I have a wonderful God who helps me see that life is worth living. I have three children with no father present, so they need me, I am all they have and my Job is to bring them up as best I can to know our heavenly father too.

I also find that God brings me someone at that moment, a friend or family member that will not even know that I needed a kind word in my ear or someone to drag me out the house for a coffee and a chatter to lift my spirit again. I am never fully free from Depression and even though I have my dark moments, God’s love shines into my life in the most wonderful ways that I could ask for.

I ask you friends, be there for each other if you have not seen a friend in a while invite them for a coffee, pick up the phone and tell them you’re there and listen to them. Do what God wants us to do and that is to love our neighbour.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

Mark 12:30-31

If you like myself are in your dark place and you want someone to chat with someone then feel free to contact us, also there are lots of free helplines available where people are able to talk to you night and day. And also get in touch with your Doctor. Sharing your issue is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength.


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